The Butchered Weiss Kruez Christmas Album
by Twin-Shades1
Summary: Day: Me an' a 'friend' of mine, Fei, wrote a present for my 'Nesan. (Fei: Who is one of mah' best buddah's!) This is it. It's kinda....suggestive, so considere yourself pancakes. Fei: O_o;; ooookaaaay....?


Day: *stands on stage in a Mrs. Santa outfit, in the center*  
  
Ken: *tied up and gagged, next to her, in a Mr. Santa outfit*  
  
Day: Hello everybody! Today, I'm going to introduce you to a good friend of ours. Feichan Heart!  
  
*a girl dressed in a green elf costume walks out*  
  
Fei: Hi everybody! *glomps Day posessively* Hey babe!!  
  
Everyone -Ken & Nagi: OO  
  
Day: Yo, 'sup, sugar? So, tell everyone what we are doing for the Weiss Christmas.  
  
Fei: We're making a Christmas present for your sister, remember?  
  
Ken: *having worked the gag off* Are you kidding? She has the memory span of a Brazilian mosquito!  
  
Day & Fei: *give Ken a LOOK*  
  
Ken: . I've been forcibly hanging around Day too long…I need a vacation.  
  
Day: Oooh! I could book a trip for three to Hawaii!  
  
Ken: With Aya and Farf?  
  
Day: No, with me and Nagi, silly.  
  
Nagi: Yay!   
  
Ken: Day, you do know he's really not your son, right?  
  
Fei: Sure he is. I helped with the adoption!  
  
Ken: Can we hurry up with the fic, already?  
  
Day & Fei: *break into song*  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Weiss Xmas Album:  
Brought to you by: Daystar Shade and Feichan Heart  
  
  
Fei: Let's start with something easy. Everybody's favorite song! *bounces*  
  
Day: Are you sure? It seems to me, this is the song that drives everyone nuts.  
  
Brad: How often did you listen to it?  
  
Farf: Making fun of Christmas Carols hurts God.  
  
Ken: *pats Farf on the head* We know, Farfie-honey, we know.  
  
Everyone: *either starts singing, or is forcibly made to sing*  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Twelve Days of Weiss Kruez  
To the tune of 12 days of Christmas  
  
On the First day of Weiss Kruez my contact gave to me:  
  
A hot lemon Ranken bondage scene (Day & Fei: Oh yeah...)  
  
On the Second day of Weiss Kruez my contact gave to me:   
  
Two sexy playboys (Yohji and Shu: Got that right!)  
  
And a hot lemon Ranken bondage scene! (Day & Fei: Oh yeah...)  
  
On the Third day of Weiss Kruez my contact gave to me:   
  
Three assassin groups (Nagi: Although technically Shrient dies.)  
  
Two sexy playboys (Yohji and Shu: Got that right!)  
  
And a hot lemon Ranken bondage scene! (Day & Fei: Oh yeah...)  
  
On the Fourth day of Weiss Kruez my contact gave to me:  
  
Four Weiss kitties (Schu: And they're so much fun to torment)  
  
Three assassin groups (Nagi: Although technically Shrient dies.)  
  
Two sexy playboys (Yohji and Shu: Got that right!)  
  
And a hot lemon Ranken bondage scene! (Day & Fei: Oh yeah...)  
  
On the Fifth day of Weiss Kruez my contact gave to me:  
  
FIVE TAKATORIES!!!! (Aya: SHI-NE!!!!)  
  
Four Weiss kitties (Schu: And they're so much fun to torment)  
  
Three assassin groups (Nagi: Although technically Shrient dies.)  
  
Two sexy playboys (Yohji and Shu: Got that right!)  
  
And a hot lemon Ranken bondage scene! (Day & Fei: Oh yeah...)  
  
On the Sixth day of Weiss Kruez my contact gave to me:  
  
Six killer death glares (Ken: His death glare isn't THAT bad. Aya: *GLARE*)  
  
FIVE TAKATORIES!!!!! (Aya: SHI-NE!!!!)  
  
Four Weiss kitties (Schu: And they're so much fun to torment)  
  
Three assassin groups (Nagi: Although technically Shrient dies.)  
  
Two sexy playboys (Yohji and Shu: Got that right!)  
  
And a hot lemon Ranken bondage scene! (Day & Fei: Oh yeah...)  
  
On the Seventh day of Weiss Kruez my contact gave to me:  
  
Seven inches for Manx's skirt (Yohji: Why are you covering it up? Manx: *Sweatdrop*)  
  
Six killer death glares (Ken: His death glare isn't THAT bad. Aya: *GLARE*)  
  
FIVE TAKATORIES!!!!! (Aya: SHI-NE!!!!)  
  
Four Weiss kitties (Schu: And they're so much fun to torment)  
  
Three assassin groups (Nagi: Although technically Shrient dies.)  
  
Two sexy playboys (Yohji and Shu: Got that right!)  
  
And a hot lemon Ranken bondage scene! (Day & Fei: Oh yeah...)  
  
On the Eighth day of Weiss Kruez my contact gave to me:  
  
Eight hot bishounen (All: *Pose pose pose*)  
  
Seven inches for Manx's skirt (Yohji: Why are you covering it up? Manx: *Sweatdrop*)  
  
Six killer death glares (Ken: His death glare isn't THAT bad. Aya: *GLARE*)  
  
FIVE TAKATORIES!!!!! (Aya: SHI-NE!!!!)  
  
Four Weiss kitties (Schu: And they're so much fun to torment)  
  
Three assassin groups (Nagi: Although technically Shrient dies.)  
  
Two sexy playboys (Yohji and Shu: Got that right!)  
  
And a hot lemon Ranken bondage scene! (Day & Fei: Oh yeah...)  
  
On the Ninth day of Weiss Kruez my contact gave to me:  
  
Nine angsty missions (Omi: Ouka...)  
  
Eight hot bishounen (All: *Pose pose pose*)  
  
Seven inches for Manx's skirt (Yohji: Why are you covering it up? Manx: *Sweatdrop*)  
  
Six killer death glares (Ken: His death glare isn't THAT bad. Aya: *GLARE*)  
  
FIVE TAKATORIES!!!!! (Aya: SHI-NE!!!!)  
  
Four Weiss kitties (Schu: And they're so much fun to torment)  
  
Three assassin groups (Nagi: Although technically Shrient dies.)  
  
Two sexy playboys (Yohji and Shu: Got that right!)  
  
And a hot lemon Ranken bondage scene! (Day & Fei: Oh yeah...)  
  
On the Tenth day of Weiss Kruez my contact gave to me:   
  
Ten assorted flowers (Ken: On sale at the koneko for $9.99!)  
  
Nine angsty missions (Omi: Ouka...)  
  
Eight hot bishounen (All: *Pose pose pose*)  
  
Seven inches for Manx's skirt (Yohji: Why are you covering it up? Manx: *Sweatdrop*)  
  
Six killer death glares (Ken: His death glare isn't THAT bad. Aya: *GLARE*)  
  
FIVE TAKATORIES!!!!! (Aya: SHI-NE!!!!)  
  
Four Weiss kitties (Schu: And they're so much fun to torment)  
  
Three assassin groups (Nagi: Although technically Shrient dies.)  
  
Two sexy playboys (Yohji and Shu: Got that right!)  
  
And a hot lemon Ranken bondage scene! (Day & Fei: Oh yeah...)   
  
On the Eleventh day of Weiss Kruez my contact gave to me:   
  
Eleven shrieking fangirls (Fangirls: OMG THEY'RE ALL WORKING TODAY!!!!)  
  
Ten assorted flowers (Ken: On sale at the koneko for $9.99!)  
  
Nine angsty missions (Omi: Ouka...)  
  
Eight hot bishounen (All: *Pose pose pose*)  
  
Seven inches for Manx's skirt (Yohji: Why are you covering it up? Manx: *Sweatdrop*)  
  
Six killer death glares (Ken: His death glare isn't THAT bad. Aya: *GLARE*)  
  
FIVE TAKATORIES!!!!! (Aya: SHI-NE!!!!)  
  
Four Weiss kitties (Schu: And they're so much fun to torment)  
  
Three assassin groups (Nagi: Although technically Shrient dies.)  
  
Two sexy playboys (Yohji and Shu: Got that right!)  
  
And a hot lemon Ranken bondage scene! (Day & Fei: Oh yeah...)  
  
On the Twelth day of Weiss Kruez my contact gave to me:  
  
Twelve new shiny knives (Farf: /_^)  
  
Eleven shrieking fangirls (Fangirls: OMG THEY'RE ALL WORKING TODAY!!!!)  
  
Ten assorted flowers (Ken: On sale at the koneko for $9.99!)  
  
Nine angsty missions (Omi: Ouka...)  
  
Eight hot bishounen (All: *Pose pose pose*)  
  
Seven inches for Manx's skirt (Yohji: Why are you covering it up? Manx: *Sweatdrop*)  
  
Six killer death glares (Ken: His death glare isn't THAT bad. Aya: *GLARE*)  
  
FIVE TAKATORIES!!!!! (Aya: SHI-NE!!!!)  
  
Four Weiss kitties (Schu: And they're so much fun to torment)  
  
Three assassin groups (Nagi: Although technically Shrient dies.)  
  
Two sexy playboys (Yohji and Shu: Got that right!)  
  
And a hot lemon Ranken bondage sceeeeeeeeeeene! (Day & Fei: Oh yeah...)  
  
~*~*~  
  
Yohji: *whines* it had to be a Ranken bondage scene, didn't it? It couldn't be a Yohken scene, could it?  
  
Aya: Shut up, Kudou. *glare*  
  
Schu: *attempting to get his hands down Ken's pants*  
  
Ken: *sweatdrop*  
  
Day: Calm down, Yotan!  
  
Fei: Yeah. We didn't forget you. After all, the next song is all yours!  
  
Yohji: Really? ^_^  
  
Everyone: *Sings or gets fried, and then sings*  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Gettin' Laid (Yotan)  
To the tune of Jingle Bells  
  
Dancin' through the clubs, kissing girls from left to right, looking for the one, to get laid with tonight (hoe hoe hoe).  
  
Tight black leather pants, low below the crotch, matching see through shirt, oh boy is that bish hot! Oh!  
  
Smooth Yotan! Smooth Yotan, dancing all the way! Oh what fun to go clubbing for Yotan to get laid oh!   
  
Smooth Yotan! Smooth Yotan, dancing all the way! Oh what fun to go clubbing for Yotan to get laid!!!  
  
*Repeat as desired*  
  
~*~*~  
  
Brad: Well, Kudou, you must be so proud.  
  
Yohji: What can I say? I'm song material?  
  
Schu: *rolls eyes*  
  
Fei: Don't worry, Schu. You'll get yours. Eventually.  
  
Schu: I can't wait.  
  
Day: So who's next on our list?  
  
Fei: *checks the three mile long list filled with eight names* Farfarello.  
  
Farf: Do we get to hurt god?  
  
Day & Fei: Uh huh!  
  
Everyone-Aya, Brad, and Farf: *starts singing*  
  
Aya, Brad, and Farf: *get hung from the ceiling upside down by their pinkie toenails*   
  
Aya, Brad, and Farf: *start to sing*  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Deck the Halls (Farfie)  
To the tune of Deck the Halls  
  
Deck the halls with Farfie's victims:  
  
Fa la la la la, la la la la  
  
Watch as Farfie butchers hymnals:  
  
Fa la la la la, la la la la  
  
Don we now our guns and straightcoats  
  
Fa la la la la la, la la la!  
  
Let's play 'til the church is bloodsoaked  
  
Fa la la la la, la la la la  
  
~*~*~  
  
Omi: I'm going to be sick…Ken^2, how can you voluntarily hang out with this guy?  
  
Ken: Hmsjpoh? *has Farf's tongue down his throat*  
  
Aya: *glares at Farf* Shi-ne! *attacks Farf with katana*  
  
Farf: *lets himself get cut, then watches the blood flow*  
  
Aya: *stops and stares at Farf*…  
  
Schu: *taking advantage of Ken while Aya's back is turned*  
  
Day & Fei: *smirk and break into song*  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Psycho Schu is Coming (Well DUH)  
To the tune of Santa Claus is coming to Town  
  
You better watch out,   
You better go hide,  
You better shield tight I'm tellin' you why  
  
Psycho Schu is coming to Town! (Schu: I'm Psychic, you kindergarten rejects!)  
  
He's got a hit list  
And you're on it twice  
But he may let you live if you pay him off nice ^_~  
  
Psycho Schu is coming to Town! (Schu:*glare*)  
  
He sees you when you're sleeping. He spies when you're awake  
He knows if you've been bad or good, so be bad ^_^ for Schuldig's sake  
  
You better watch out,   
You better go hide,  
You better shield tight I'm tellin' you why  
  
Psycho Schu is coming to Town! (Schu: I give up!)  
  
~*~*~  
  
Schu: How many times do I have to tell you, it's Psychic, not Psycho!  
  
Day: You don't have to tell us at all, we'll do what we want.  
  
Fei: Yeah. It's called creative license, baka!  
  
Brad: Give it up, Schuldig. You won't win. I've foreseen it.  
  
Schu: *grumbles and huggles Kenken*  
  
Aya: *glares* You know, Day, for Ranken being your favorite pairing…Farf and Schu have been seeing a hell of a lot more action than I have.  
  
Day: True…ano…  
  
Fei: Got it covered! *starts singing*  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
KenKen the Soccer Player (If I have to tell you this one you need to be whacked)  
To the tune of Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer  
  
You know Bierhoff, and Klosse, and Kahn and Ziege  
McBride, O'Brien, Fritzpatric, and Pelle...  
  
But do you recall.... the cutest player of all?  
  
Kenken the soccer player has the hottest ass in Weiss. (Ken: Why are you singing about my ass?)  
  
And if you ever saw it, you know that you'd wanna look twice  
  
All the other Weiss Kitties used to drool and stare in awe! (Ken: *blush*)  
  
They got a real sick pleasure, watching him chasing the ball!  
  
Then one foggy, rainy day, when Kenken couldn't play  
  
Aya said with much delight: "Why don't you play with ME tonight?"  
  
Then the last two kitties got jealous, Yohji had his bright idea  
  
Omi and Yotan spying: "Man, I'm glad those two are queer!!"  
  
~*~*~  
  
Ken: *blushing underneath his santa hat*  
  
Aya: *pulls Ken into his lap and smirks*  
  
Schu: *pouts*  
  
Nagi: Mom, it's not fair!  
  
Day: What's not fair?  
  
Nagi: They're getting all the action!  
  
Omi: *blush* NAGI!!!!!  
  
Day: True that. But I think I have a solution! *starts to sing*  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I saw Nagi kissing Omitchi (And to your left, a hint the size of a big red barn!!)  
To the tune of I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus  
  
I saw Nagi kissing Omitchi  
  
While on that mission we had last night  
  
They didn't see me spy  
  
And it was no wonder why  
  
Nagi was far too busy playing with Omi's fly  
  
Then I saw Nagi teasing Omitchi  
  
Underneath those shorts of his, Oh my!  
  
Oh what a laugh it would have been  
  
If Crawford(or Aya) had only seen  
  
Nagi kissing Omitchi last night!  
  
~*~*~  
  
Nagi: Now that's my kind of song.  
  
Omi: *blushing* Demo…  
  
Nagi: Hai?  
  
Omi: Nevermind. I won't comment.  
  
Day: *pulls out the three mile list* So who's next?  
  
Fei: *looks* It looks like Schu…again…in his handwriting…  
  
Aya: *glares*  
  
Day: Let's see…he's on the list twice…and in his handwriting…yup, looks legit.  
  
Schu: *smirk*  
  
Day&Fei: *sing*  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
All through the Nightclub (Schuldig again, why? Cause he's easy! Schu: ^_^)  
To the tune of Up on the Rooftop  
  
Verse 1:   
  
All through the nightclub Schuldig goes  
  
Looking rather hot in tight leather clothes  
  
Up to the bar with his kinky toys  
  
All for some hot ya~oi boys  
  
Chorus:  
  
Ho ho ho: who wouldn't go  
  
Ho ho ho: who wouldn't go  
  
Into the back room: woo hoo hoo: Onto the bed with Sexy Schu  
  
Verse 2:  
  
First comes the Bishie Farfarello  
  
Oh dear Schuldig do him well  
  
Give him a night where he screams and cries  
  
One he will remember for the rest of his life  
  
Chorus:  
  
Ho ho ho: who wouldn't go  
  
Ho ho ho: who wouldn't go  
  
Into the back room: woo hoo hoo: Onto the bed with Sexy Schu  
  
Verse 3:  
  
Next comes his teammate, little Nagi  
  
Schuldig make him scream for Kami  
  
Tie him up with rope and twine   
  
Make him scream, beg and whine  
  
Chorus:  
  
Ho ho ho: who wouldn't go  
  
Ho ho ho: who wouldn't go  
  
Into the back room: woo hoo hoo: Onto the bed with Sexy Schu  
  
~*~*~  
  
Omi: *slaps Nagi* HOW COULD YOU!  
  
Nagi: *rubs his cheek* Demo…My Mommy made me.  
  
Schu: You seemed willing last night.  
  
Day: *slaps Nagi's other cheek* Don't try to blame this on me, young man.   
  
Ken: *mutters* 'bout time that boy was disciplined…  
  
Day: You said you'd cover for me if I let you go out with Schu!  
  
Omi: *slaps Nagi again*  
  
Fei: ._.;  
  
Nagi: *grabs his Tot plushie and pouts in the closet*  
  
Fei:…anyways…Looks like Aya's up next!  
  
Aya: *huggles his Ken^2 plushie* I want some satisfaction this time.  
  
Day: *rolls eyes* hai, hai.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I'm dreaming of a Takatori (Yeah... like Omi, Ken, or Yotan dream about Takatori)  
To the tune of I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas  
  
I'm Dreaming of a Takatori! One that I can run my sword through!   
  
Where the blade is bloody, the ground is muddy, and then, all my revenge is through!  
  
I'm dreaming of when Aya Wakes up!   
  
Cause then all my dreams will then be true!  
  
With revenge completed, my pains deleted, It feels like my life will be brand new!  
  
I'm dreaming of my soccer bishie!  
  
The one who keeps me up at night!  
  
With his smile so charming, his gaze disarming, I will hold him all my life...  
  
~*~*~  
  
Ken: Well, that one wasn't too bad…  
  
Day: *nods, looking through her bag* OH! I found another another bondage scene!  
  
Schu & Yohji: I want it! I want it!  
  
Fei: *glares*  
  
Day: *goes over to the closet* Nagi, I've got a bondage scene out here for *whoosh* you.  
  
Nagi: Where! With Omi?  
  
Fei: *grumbles jealously* yeah, just give away my Omitchi.  
  
Day: Of course with Omi. Right?  
  
Omi: Get rid of the plushie.  
  
Nagi: *throws it out the window* Let's go!  
  
Omi & Nagi: *censored*  
  
Day & Fei: *singing in the megaphones to mask the noises*  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Omi the Chibi (*holds a hinting bat in her hand ominously*)  
To the tune of Frosty the Snowman  
  
Omi the chibi, was a happy genki soul, with his big blue eyes and his own crossbow and two darts that hit their goal  
  
Omi the chibi is a part of Weiss the say! He used to be a taka-tori but his daddy didn't pay   
  
He never ever did find out that Persia was his dad, but now that he's a Weiss kitten, he doesn't feel so bad  
  
Omi the chibi is the cutest bish they say, (Day: No, I say Ken is!) but with his eyes so deep his smile so sweet he's a killer all the same!  
  
Thumpetty thump thump  
  
Thumpetty thump thump   
  
Look at Omi go.  
  
Thumpetty thump thump  
  
Thumpetty thump thump  
  
Shooting his crossbow  
  
Omi the Chibi, was rather hot that day, so he said "I know I just need to go find Nagi and we will play!" (Omi: *sweatdrop* i sound like a five year old Day: You look like one, too. 'Fei & Omi: Hey!)  
  
Down to the Schwarz house with a few of Yotan's toys; tied up to the bed; just like Nagi said. Oh what naughty little boys! (Nagi: Not anymore)  
  
There must have been some magic in Schuldig's liquor case, cause once they had a couple drinks Nagi got way past third base  
  
Nagi the chibi got to have his wicked way, oh he had his fun (Omi got a sore bum) but that's [just?] the way boys play,  
  
Thumpetty thump thump  
  
Thumpetty thump thump  
  
Look at those boys go.   
  
Thumpetty thump thump  
  
Thumpetty thump thump  
  
I gotta tape this show  
  
~*~*~  
  
Omi: *glares* Who said you could tape us! Day, hand over the tape!  
  
Day: *calmly hands over the tape*   
  
Fei: *calmly hands Day a copy*  
  
Day: It wasn't that big a deal when you and Yotan were spying on Aya and Ken!  
  
Nagi: *slaps Omi* And you say I'M bad! *goes back to the closet with a new Tot plushie*  
  
Aya: *glares @ Omi and Yohji* Spying?  
  
Ken: *blushing* How could you!  
  
Yohji: Easy. Omi had one of those little spy cameras…didn't know you were that flexible, Ken.  
  
Ken: *blushing glare*  
  
Farf & Schu: We knew.  
  
Ken: *tries to sink through the floor*  
  
Aya: …SHI-NE!!!!! *chases after Yohji and Omi randomly*  
  
Day: Well, while they're doing that…  
  
Fei: Brad still needs to go!  
  
Brad:…I was hoping you'd forget…  
  
Day: Nope! Get Nagi out of that closet!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Precog's Intuition  
To the tune of Let it Snow  
  
Schu: Oh the mission tonight was frightful, but fighting Weiss oh so delightful, since Bradley already knew: Who would loose, who would loose, who would loose...  
  
Farf: It doesn't show signs of stopping, and the blood is still drip-dropping, but as Bradley has always said: "They're not dead, they're not dead! THEY'RE NOT DEAD!!!"  
  
Schwarz: When we finally say goodbye how we'll hate leaving them there to live, but unless we all want to die we'll follow the orders "he" gives!  
  
Nagi: Oh the night is slowly falling and I can hear Bradley calling, man does Brad need to loosen up, let's get him drunk, get him drunk, get him drunk!  
  
~*~*~  
  
Brad: *slightly sloshed…okay, really wasted*  
  
Schu: *running his hands up Brad's thighs* Good idea, Nagi.  
  
Nagi: I have them occasionally. Anyways, I think we're done now.  
  
Aya: *chasing Omi and Yohji*  
  
Ken: *sweatdrop*   
  
Fei: *rescues Omi, Leaving Yohji and Aya unconcious and hogtied in the process*  
  
Day: Why Yohji?  
  
Fei: Meh? *shrug*  
  
Farf: We hurt God. We hurt God real good.  
  
Day: Sure did. So now that we're done with practice, let's get ready for 'Nesan to come in.  
  
Nagi: You mean we have to do that again?  
  
Day: Yup!  
  
Fei: Ne, maybe we should make a "Greatest Hits" album next!  
  
Boys -Ken^2 (who is now gagged. AGAIN.): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!  
  
Ken^2: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Moon: *walks in* Hey Imoto-chan, what's up? 


End file.
